If it’s snowing here. The bizarre weather might be like a reflection of my heart, if I have any. In snow we met, in snow we part, in snow I missed you. I long for your touch, your smile, your kind words but it’s all gone now. In one fell swoop, it’s all gone now. You are gone from my life, perhaps forever.
Sometimes I resent you other times I cant but imagine the wonderful, magical moments we shared.Meeting eachother was perhaps the best and worst thing that happened to me.
Most people don’t believe in love at first sight, but I do. The moment I saw you, you stole my heart away. A little voice whispered to me, “He is the one.” And I wanted to say you are mine and I love you forever, my dear I have finally found you. Secretly, wishing that I could have your number, You got mine and my world started to change. I started to bloom like a flower swaying in the spring air.
Before I met you, my heart was frozen for so many times, chilled by the obstacles life threw at me like the unreturned love, and heart wrenching betrayals. To me, you exude warmth and love, something I could only dream of discovering. In your words, I found care and understanding. The frost inside me finally started to melt because of you. You have nourished my heart like the spring rain bringing hope to the snow covered earth.
I remember each moment like yesterday, so vividly, vibrant and vivacious. Its hard to believe that its over.
Each time I try to forget about you, I fall more and more in love with you; I cant forget about you. My heart has never left you. This is how I can keep my promise to you.
I want to love you and be there for you, but I was so weak I couldn’t be as good as you wanted me to be. The night you called me,I was crying and sobbing. You told me you wanted to leave me.I felt the pain in my heart. I gave you all the love you would need, all the trust, all of me. And you told me you never trusted me at all, it felt like you took at sharp dagger and stabbed me in the heart. I bled of hope, vanishing as quickly as the fire consumed your love letter to me.
We thought if we left eachother, we would not feel hurt anymore. We was wrong . Each night I lay awake, on my bed, wondering what would have happened if there's still any chance. Thinking that perhaps if I have the chance, I could have inspired myself to be a better one, I could have shown you the strength and endurance of real love. Is it over now?
In my mind, our memories haunt me. I walk around possessed by what we had, by what I lost, the magical moment, the safe feeling of your embrace; all just memories of the wonderful times we shared when our paths crossed. Starting from our first date, I will never forget that.Watched movies and being so lovely together. It reminded me of the most simple and youthful happiness, untainted by the passage of time. We were in our own world. Somewhere no one could ever touch.
In your arms, I was not scared because you were there to protect me, to be with me.Your soft lips pressing against me, sucking my soul into you. I was in love and still am.
You told me about your past,I know something like this can scar the heart. Sometimes I can see that pain in you, conjuring doubt of my love for you.
Each time you doubt my love for you, each time you question my sincerity, I have tried to understand the baggage you carry. I have tried to standby you. The most devastating memory I recall was when you mentioned about the word ''Goodbye'' I knew you will never come back. I couldn’t sleep the whole night, each moment I tried to snap myself back to reality and accept what you decided. I couldn’t.
As the salty tears run down my cheek, I gasped for each breath like a fish out of water. I thought by showing my love for you will make you feel secure and I thought it was obvious that I am completely in love with you; I am yours and only yours. When you questioned me, like that,uncertain about me, it breaks my heart. Perhaps your looming history caused you to think that a woman can’t love unconditionally, I can, I do; I am different. Perhaps,to you im just the same.
When you came back to me, my world lit up like fireworks lighting up the summer sky; we were so much in love.
I would have given you anything and everything. I tried my hardest to make you happy, yet my efforts seemed futile because you don’t trust me.At times,I know I lied about those,But i didnt want you to feel down over your work stuffs.I'm sorry about that.
When I look back, all I have now is memories to hold onto, without you they seem just like dreams. Sometimes I wake up at night wondering if I dreamt all this, then I see the photos of how happy we used to be, I know it was real. It is real. As real as the last glance of you, I saw you giving me the last smile, the last wave, the last of everything we held so dearly to our hearts. Some will say memories like that fade but I will remember it as vividly as yesterday.
Walking the path alone now, taking the path that we used to be. Sadly, it is all gone because of the mistakes I made and my lack of endurance for both your pain and mine. Now, the coldness penetrates my body; your warmth is not there to protect me anymore. I resent and hate myself for not being understanding. I should have never make that mistake. I have endure you so much from you. You will never forgive me; you probably hate me. I wish I could do something to mend our scars but I know nothing will heal the pain we have caused onto each other. I feel helpless. Nothing will be the same. Due to our brief encounter, we have changed for better or for worse. I only hope that our paths will cross again. I still miss you very much. Is that possible to do so after everything that happened?I doubt.
And I have to say this losing you is like losing my everything. You broke my heart for saying awful things about me,I will never forget whatever you've said to me.You don't know how powerful are those to hurt me so bad.Is hard and is difficult to move on,but life still goes on,I got to be strong.Thanks alot.
It says;
Carolyne is coming over later so
